The Witness
It all begins with an idea.
Nobody warns you that caregiving has two front rows. One seat is for the parent who is slowly slipping away. The other belongs to the partner who stands there, catching wave after wave of heartbreak.
I watch my husband start the morning by stripping the pee-pee sheets again, tossing them into a washer that never rests. Coffee still in hand, he answers the question, “Who’s coming today?” for the third time before eight. He recites the roll call: PT, OT, caregiver for the shower. He reminds her she can’t get up without her walker. He answers, “No, Mom, your sister wasn’t here last night. Aunt Dorothy has been gone for twenty years,” while I secretly wonder if Aunt Dorothy really did drop in. He explains why showers matter, then explains it again five minutes later, and again five minutes after that.
I can see the pressure build behind his eyes. He clutches the counter instead of slamming a cupboard door. Do you know what it sounds like when you release the valve on the Instant Pot? That is the release he needs, and he can’t have it.
And yes, I jump in. Sometimes I’m the one wrestling off the wet sheets or guiding a pull-up that’s halfway over sweatpants. But it hits differently. She isn’t my mom, so my grief stays one step removed. What rips me open is the look on my husband’s face. His grief, frustration, bone-deep exhaustion, and helplessness are my grief - because that’s my marriage.
This is astoundingly hard. Hard in the way nobody writes in the brochure when you promise to keep Mom at home. Hard like living in a time loop where compassion is currency and patience runs out by noon. Some days our only win is one honest laugh before bed and a dryer that finally stops beeping.
Where Next of Kin Fits In
If you are standing in that same loop, half caregiver and half heart-shattered spectator, Next of Kin (NoK) is the lifeline I built from this fire. We turn “What do we even do now?” into road-tested playbooks, family scripts, and bite-sized tools that protect time, nerves, and marriages.
Need help today? Book a Compass Call with me, and we’ll map your next steps before the next load of laundry finishes.